The Old Twin Dosey-Doe

 Come on!! You thought I wouldn't recognize the much more obliging and less contrarian pod person??!!

The mummified legs without a single mention of dressing them in her discharge paperwork was a dead giveaway. 

Wonder what name they'll put on her tombstone? Self defense in a right to defend your property state.  I was startled by the intruder, an obvious mental hospital escapee. 

Nervous,  but kind of excited. I never thought I'd have to commit justified homicide. 

Birthmarks are hard to fake, even by an expert makeup artist. 

She was wearing a diaper and my roommate's bathrobe and came charging in the bathroom at me. I grabbed the only thing I had to defend myself, a large screwdriver left near the toilet from the recent replacement kit I'd put in the toilet.